The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I haven't been around here and yet... I struck a chord on someone's harpsichord, they found it a bit out of tune and decided to tan my hide for it.



It wasn't subtle. But it was confusing.



COMMENT

Nov 30 2016 -1 In the end, you'll have only yourself and the horrible part is, you'll ever acknowledge that you're to blame for that. The day you do, is the take you take a step towards happiness.

Nov 30 2016 -1 You'll manage to excuse away all your wrong doings by muttering sayings like, "I'm not perfect." as if we all didn't already realize. Continue living inside your mind where your sorrows are meaningful while all those around you play the "games" and "card

Nov 30 2016 -1 Constantly playing the victim. You stab someone, they cry. O' look at them crying, what assholes, using those tears as if they deserve them!



Whoever you were to me, thanks?



See when tearing into someone, especially me... it helps to NOT quote, paraphrase or reiterate what I've said, back to me.



Because... it just confuses me. The things I have ever said in a situation, I said because I don't normally behave like a hypocrite... So you might understand why these comments kinda, sorta, maybe, perhaps would leave me wondering how they apply to me. Clearly I've said them before. so...



I'd have a conversation with the person, who seems to "know" me or at the very least know "what i've done" But... it's a ghost.



A ghost with something on her mind.



They would have faded away in my honor comments

So... there. You or at the very least your thoughts, are now "immortalized" in my journal. For me to always see when I read back into my journals. And always ask myself ask I read it....



"what the fuck was that one actually trying to say?"



:: smiles:: You're thinking about me, on my birthday, why? Aren't I the horrible one? Don't get angry because I'm not angry.

Not being online is registering with me differently than it has in the past. It hasn't been as tragic to me as it once was. I'd freak out internally. I'd tell people I'd miss them and that I wouldn't know when I'd be able to contact them again. That's what people do when they enjoy keeping contact. It's normal, right? Well, after being on a road where that was one-sided. The anxiety and worry and just missing of conversations with some was not even slightly returned, it hurt and the hurt angered me. I felt alone in various ways. A true tragedy. Then again, the tragedy is probably the fact that I am even writing this to accent the change in experience to something that was such a big deal to me.



That's the trick eh? That is was a big deal... to me. Not being missed is... well, a slap to the face. eye-opening, and heartbreaking.



Anyway, I've not had net for a bit and found myself... not like before. Fuck man... I would run out to the nearest library just so that I could log into various venues of communication in hopes of keeping contact with a select few... I don't feel that driving need that nearly drove me nuts. And I don't know how to really process that. I still miss and I still yearn. But... honestly who cares? I am where I am and if you can and do make me smile while I am here, at this place in my life, then thank you. I know I don't say it enough.



Sure enough, I had exactly the messages I expected to receive while away, and not a word more. Some unread, but... Eh. But nothing. Guess I better take advantage of having access at the moment.

COMMENTS

-

---

kornloves22
10:00 Nov 30 2016

wow it seems we are dealing with the same shit you and i

---

POST COMMENT

The worst thing I can do under the banner of friendship, is lie.